When the Going Gets Rough: Riding out The Extinction Burst of Problem Behavior
Are you a parent who is working on changing your child’s challenging behaviors? Perhaps you are about to start a sticker chart or have some coupons or tokens ready for your child to earn for desired behaviors…Good for you! Even though your child might be excited about the prospect of earning a reward, your child will have to change behaviors in order to do it…And as they say, “Old habits die hard.” Your child might be so used to doing things the old way that at first there will be a greater tendency to try more of the old, problematic behavior in order to gain what your child wants. After all, it used to work, right?
Imagine this situation: you try to buy a snack at a vending machine, but that bag of chips gets stuck! What do you do? First you might give the machine a good whack or two with your palm or fist. But when that doesn’t work, maybe you try a kick when no one is looking. Then if still no luck, you put all of your frustration and strength into gripping the machine from both sides to tip and shake it until your goodies come out! If your goodies come out, you might be more likely to try the same physical tactics in the future. But if the machine wins, perhaps in the future you will be less likely to attack it, because your experience has already told you that it doesn’t work! So maybe next time you will try a new behavior by calling the number posted on the vending machine and ask for your money back.
Like a vending machine, some parents feel “shaken” at the first signs of trouble-- when their child exhibits resistance or even an increase in negative conduct in response to efforts to start a behavior plan. This temporary increase in negative behaviors in response to your new limit-setting is called an “extinction burst.” When this happens, the temptation will be to give up on the plan. If you notice an extinction burst, think carefully first about how you respond!
Keep in mind that sometimes “things get worse before they get better,” and it might be necessary to ride out the temporary storm of the extinction burst before you see any improvement. Riding out the storm will include some planned ignoring of negative behavior. Consider an experiment at home. When your child yells for you, do you respond right away? What do you think would happen if you ignored it? Perhaps your child will yell more and yell louder. Sure, it gets annoying, but what happens if you keep ignoring it? Certainly a change from your normal responsiveness will get your child’s attention. Your child will learn that the method of yelling across the house to get your attention is not working. Perhaps your child will stop, get up and look for you, get closer to you and then use an inside voice to make the request. This exercise in helping your child lay down new behavioral “train tracks” takes more energy and persistence from the both of you. Ignoring behaviors can also feel a little dicey, so you will have to plan ahead and gather your courage. You can inform your child ahead of time that you will be changing your behavior, too. (“It bothers me when you yell for me from another room. Next time you do that I will not answer. I would like for you to come to me so we can see each other, and for you to use your inside voice to talk with me.”) When your child realizes that you are sticking to your limits, negative behaviors will eventually decrease.
As you explore these methods of shaping your child’s behavior, remember that dangerous or threatening behaviors cannot be ignored and will require additional professional and/or emergency support. Discuss the options with your pediatrician. You might need to locate a qualified mental health provider, obtain in-home applied behavioral analysis, or recruit your local family preservation services. For emergency situations requiring rapid response, you will want to call 911 or your local mobile crisis team, or proceed to your local emergency room for emergency psychiatric evaluation.
Dr. Ayanna Cooke-Chen is a board-certified adult, child and adolescent psychiatrist. She works in private practice in Hunt Valley. Visit www.childrenfirstmd.com